Norty Ends : Episode Three

The next episode in the saga of the Top Man Hunt continues…

David (he’s offered to put sand in his lounge so I can pretend I’m at the beach) …. On the back burner. Will do nicely for the summer. - He’s gone to the Caribbean – on his own! Promises to be back soon. He keeps posting photos of himself at the beach on his Facebook page. The tease.

Rod (a romantic, every time I see him he buys me chocolates) - We had a sweet coffee date. Then an Italian dinner date and drinks in the pub. He’s damn cute even though he could do with a mini makeover (he’s got no clothes sense). But there was no chocolate this week. Sob.

Dom (a laugh a minute) ….. Nope. The story’s here - After two months of bliss (i.e. no emails from Dom) he emailed me and acted as if nothing had happened. Freak. AND…. he’s relocating to an area nearby. Eeek.

Luke (he’s a heart surgeon and Italian to boot) … Very nice. Not a bad conversationalist. He’s a ‘Maybe’ - Still a ‘maybe’. I’ve been too tired to talk to him. Something to do with ‘burning the candle at both ends’ maybe?

Francisco (an old-fashioned gent) … Lovely, a real gent. Holds the car door open for me, pulls out the table, made sure he wasn’t blocking the sun. But it’s hard to make out his foreign accent. Spent a lot of time nodding. Another date coming up, at his request. Loves my dog. I think the dog will win his affections. - Still chatting. But I feel I have better things to do.

Goran (chatty) … He wants to meet my dog. Eek. - I didn’t contact him for a week and he went away.

Kheng (witty, chatty, cute) - Need to catch up.

New dates -

Cris (Spanish toyboy, 13 years younger than me) … very cute and chatty as hell, but he loves to talk about himself. He’s an investment banker, where does he get the time to date?

Adam (great sense of humour) … he’s a hunk, loves his iPod and phone. Down to earth and friendly. The IT/media type.

Simon (chef-wannabe) … we always seem to end up talking food. He’s a little porky too. I can see this one going straight for the (food) bin. Not good!

Dating update

Finally, an update on my January 8 post -

A fun spa day with Ed (a Jack the Lad) …. BINNED! He was too desperate.

Bikini shoot with David (he’s offered to put sand in his lounge so I can pretend I’m at the beach) …. On the back burner. Will do nicely for the summer.

A pub crawl with Rod (a romantic, every time I see him he buys me chocolates) ….. Still ongoing! Another pub crawl coming up.

Dinner with Alain (he lives in Paris and flies over to London a lot) …. Naah. I can’t be bothered.

Drinks with Dom (a laugh a minute) ….. Nope. The story’s here

Haystack racing with Stuart (seriously) …. (Oops. I forgot about him!)

A long walk with Wills and his dog (my dog gets a date too!) … Forgot about him too

A coffee with Will (reassuringly older and very handsome) … He turned out to be a crashing bore

Some fun with Alan (an old-fashioned gent) … Chatted lots. But not attracted to him.

A day out with Julian (mad on skiing) … Not really interested. Goes to the back of the queue

Dinner with Andy (the mashed potato king) … He tried too hard. It put me off.

Clubbing with Sam (a DIY fanatic) … He’s fairly busy. Need to email him soon!

A cooking marathon with Mick (an Australian and a fab cook) … Hmm. Forgot about him too.

Dancing with Zack (he has a tux) … Monosyllabic. Hard work.

Banter with Ken (he’s very cute) … Nice. Nothing special.

A heart to heart with Luke (he’s a heart surgeon and Italian to boot) … Very nice. Not a bad conversationalist. He’s a ‘Maybe’

A visit from Aaron in his clown costume (with his feather) …. Too mad.

Updating the list -

Francisco (an old-fashioned gent) … Lovely, a real gent. Holds the car door open for me, pulls out the table, made sure he wasn’t blocking the sun. But it’s hard to make out his foreign accent. Spent a lot of time nodding. Another date coming up, at his request. Loves my dog. I think the dog will win his affections.

Goran (chatty) … A date coming up next week. He wants to meet my dog. Eek.

Kheng (witty, chatty, cute) … We’re off roller blading soon. Watch this space!

Strange men

Dom asked me for a date. I said ‘Perhaps another time’ as I didn’t feel 100% comfortable about spending more than an hour of my precious time with him.

Then I got an email from him -

Aw, that’s a pity. If your circumstances change or you change your mind you can let me know up until Monday lunchtime. After that I’ll assume I will be alone, and book into a hotel a bit further out from London (was hoping for a night of quality sex; nevermind, I’ll just have to enjoy the company of a good book instead)

WTF?!!! Does he think I’m some kind of Rent-a-Girl?!!!!!

He’s been put into deep deep cold storage!

‘Woo’ survey

This week, I’ve had two men say to me, they want to woo me properly.

WOO me properly?!!! WTF?!!

Is WOO an old fashioned term? Am I lucky enough to have a couple of gents on my hands? Or am I out of touch? In a panic, I turned to Lisa, our Survey Queen. Lisa asked a number of men the question -

Do men “woo” women? If so, how do they “woo”?

The survey results?

“Woo” Definition: paying compliments to a woman, asking them lots of questions about themselves and generally making a woman feel nice.

How to woo:

1. Basically anything a man can do to get a woman to bed.
2. Wine, dinner and culture or pie and chips if riff-raff (this man was willing to put himself up as a study case)
3. men can’t just say “knickers off”, so must act kind and considerate and respectful.
4. Some men may say they are going to “woo” you so it’s like “hey I’m different and honest!” Although woman needs to think, if he wants a shag straight way, then does he respect or is he just out to conquer.

This is part of the When to Have Sex survey – more of that one later! The unwritten male rule is the third date is the “shag” date. If this doesn’t happen a rethink is required i.e. is she worth it. On the other hand if a first date shag happened then the lady runs the risk of losing the man’s respect.

It comes down to lust and there are many things to take into account…. Survey Queen Lisa will get back to you on this one!

Here, for your lovely eyes, are the (anonymous) responses -

Wooing as seen by a slightly older and more sophisticated male:

As far as I know and the way I would interpret it is that it basically means the same as another old fashioned term…….courting. By that I have always taken it to mean that the guy would like to start “dating” the lady in question and go about it properly asking her out for dinner, theatre, the movies, whatever and eventually work their way round to the moment when they want to make love (hey, this is romantic stuff enit, I could write a love story), whether that is days, weeks or months down the line. Personally I wouldn’t have said wooing someone meant they wanted to get them back to their place for a quick shag………….but then I’m a bit older and longer in the tooth these days and not so up on what youngsters mean when they say something. From what I hear from youngsters I know and overhear from my kids, it is often the girls who are up for one thing and a quick shag is all they are after………….and then there are those who these days just want “fuck buddies”. I wish they had them in my younger day. I think I may have settled for that. But hasn’t everything changed these days. Just look at the amount of “Milfs and Mulfs” and magazines and webb sites depicting them.

One male (38) says (he uses sign language) :

Sign language is like tai chi. Let my hand do the talking and feel my chi.
I’m puzzled by the look of why I am on the floor every time a girl walks past, asks me why are you doing this? My reply is that I am worshipping the ground you’re walking on (ok thats a lie )

Another male (27) says :

Well, men “woo” women specially if it’s a social night out, usually it’s the drink talking so best bet is to give your number, if you like the guy let him tell you the next day, that way you will know if it’s genuine! A guy always wants sex or at least something but usually when it’s the next day they treat you better.
Guys who “woo” when they mean it can talk a language that a girl talks with girls, plus it’s not about words, it’s how the heart speaks, and it’s rarely happened. But for me I say it when I feel appreciated and respected and when a girl really cares about you then that’s when you will hear magic coming from the HEART.

A female (31) says :

Only if they think there is a smidgeon of a chance that you will sleep with them eventually! If you are a classy gal then they will probably wine and dine you, send you flowers, etc. but don’t expect it to last more than a few months as they will just revert to type, unless you are marrying a romantic (like me, who did the flower thing for about 5 years! Still get jewellery every Christmas though so can’t complain!)

- Survey Queen, Lisa